


When You Fish Upon A Star

by laughingalonewithducks



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Bad fish puns, M/M, exploitation of wildlife, mermaid au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-17 07:43:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5860177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingalonewithducks/pseuds/laughingalonewithducks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Look, it wasn't like Vaughn fell in love with the merman on porpoise, or anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ...your breams come true

**Author's Note:**

> hey, so, how do you amplify a pirate's DNA???
> 
> PC AAAAAARGH

So, here’s the thing: Rhys wasn’t actually all that bad at the traditional mermaid ‘fisher-of-men’ kind of gig.

He had, you know, a nice voice, and while he wasn’t exactly buff or anything, his face made up for it most of the time.

(He knew he looked good.)

It was just, sometimes he’d find a ship, and sometimes that ship would have a really cute sailor on it, and sometimes that cute sailor would make eye contact with him and then Rhys would suddenly forget how to function and fuck up spectacularly.

The last time this had happened, the sailor had actually managed to jump into the ocean before Rhys’ voice had cracked and he’d fallen off his rock in pure embarrassment.

The sailor had still _died_ , of course. Quicker, even, because they were laughing too hard to keep their head out of the water.

But that kind of thing? Was _hell_ on your reputation, and even worse on your loot collection. Rhys was _never_ gonna get anywhere with a few measly belt buckles. He’d heard of merpeople that had cleaned out entire _ships_ and claimed everything for themselves.

Well.

It wasn’t like this happened _all_ the time. Just some of the time. Like, sixty percent, max. Maybe seventy.

Rhys comforted himself with the thought that the next ship might go better.

(It didn’t.)


	2. sea what i did there

Stopping just under the surface of the waves, Rhys scanned the deck of the ship for any potential problems. Finding none, he poked his head out of the water, took a deep breath, and-

-promptly forgot how to breathe as a _really_ attractive sailor stepped out of the cabin.

The sailor glanced over the side of the ship and Rhys immediately dropped back under the water, watching nervously as the sailor squinted at the waves where he’d been not more than five seconds ago, but dismissed it after a moment and rushed off to help his fellow sailor out of the knot he’d made in the rigging. 

Rhys was pretty sure that kind of position was physically impossible, but, well, humans were weird like that.

He followed the ship, floating just under the surface as he watched the sailor work. Partly because the man really _was_ attractive, but also because he seemed to be wearing a shirt on his head and Rhys was almost totally sure that that was not something humans were supposed to do.

He’d lived with humans for, like, a whole three _months_ , okay, he was practically an expert.

***

Vaughn was well aware that his eyesight wasn’t the best even with the eyeglasses, but there was _definitely_ a merman hanging around his ship. Unless the local manatees had suddenly acquired a coat of brightly-coloured paint, and maybe the top half of a cute guy as well.

Honestly, Vaughn wouldn’t’ve put it past them.

But three days of said merman staring at him when he obviously thought Vaughn wasn’t looking was a bit much for a prank. In fact, it was downright fishy.

Maybe he had a request, or something. Vaughn _had_ heard of merpeople enlisting sailors to help them complete some sort of grandiose quest. Only once, admittedly, and it was part of some drunkard’s story, but there _was_ a precedent (even if it was dubiously legitimate) and it was the best reason he had for the merman’s constant presence; none of his crew had died or disappeared under any circumstances, mysterious or otherwise (which was something of a miracle, given their slightly disturbing near-worship of the creatures), and the only things being stolen were small bits of meat, which the whole crew knew Simmons was stealing for his pet rat, anyway.

Vaughn wasn’t really sure why Simmons hadn’t just _asked_ for rat food, but if no-one else was going to bring it up then he wasn’t going to touch the subject.

Anyway, he figured he’d swim out to see what was up with the merman that night. Meet him on his own turf, so to speak.

Hopefully it wasn't some sort of new sailor-killing strategy, because that would be a _really_ stupid way to go, and also some of his crew might go back to drinking salt water if he wasn’t there to stop them.

***

Rhys was asleep, curled around the anchor, when something splashed just off the stern of the ship.

He rose silently towards the surface, keeping a cautious distance from whatever it was. He hoped it wasn’t dying. He wasn’t really good at dealing with death, human or otherwise. Sure, he was directly responsible for quite a bit of it, but he never actually stuck around to see anyone _die_. He just went back later and looted the corpses.

Rhys floated in place, head just out of the water, eyes fixed on the pale thing that was cutting smoothly through the waves towards him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man you guys have no idea how tempted i am to just replace every second word with bad fish puns  
> 


	3. happy whalentine's day

The merman seemed to be waiting for him when Vaughn slipped into the ocean later that night. He could see the top of his head sticking out of the waves, the barest suggestion of a tail waving gently underneath him. A wiser person most likely would’ve assumed it was a trap and immediately made a run for the ship. Vaughn, however, had never been wise, and instead made directly for the merman, pretending that he wasn’t staking his life on the continued goodwill of something that routinely drowned anything dumb enough to go near it.

He ducked under a wave and came up face-to-face with the merman, who jerked back, pure shock on his face.

(His very _pretty_ face.)

“Hello?” Vaughn tried, treading water.

“Oh, _no_ ,” the merman said.

“What?”

“Um, I mean… I am _so_ sorry,” the merman said, flashing him a dazzling smile and talking a mile a minute. “I just, I didn’t think this was _your_ ship, you know? It hasn’t been claimed, and… I hadn’t heard anything about one of us coming through on a ship, _wow_ , I am _so_ out of the loop, aren’t I? I guess that’ll teach me to - anyway, I’ll just get out of your hair and -”

One of Vaughn’s feet brushed something that felt suspiciously fin-like, and the merman went abruptly silent.

“What?” said Vaughn, still dazed by the merman’s smile.

“What?” the merman repeated, voice strangely high, before disappearing underwater.

Vaughn stared at the dark water and tried not to panic. Maybe it- maybe this was how it got you. Maybe it lured you out, and then it stunned you with its smile and baffled you with its _words_ and then it… what, exactly?

Ate you?

The merman surged out of the water in front of him, so close their faces nearly touched.

“You have _legs_ ,” he said accusingly.

“Aaaaaaaargh,” said Vaughn, floundering a little.

“What are you? Are you cursed? Why do you have _legs_?”

“Aaaaaargh,” said Vaughn.

“Are you half-mer? I know those exist. My mother once knew one, and she said they were _so_ cool. My name’s Rhys, what’s yours?” 

The merman - Rhys - was swimming in excited little circles around him.

“Aaaaargh,” said Vaughn. “I mean - what, no, I’m- I’m human. No, uh, merfolk blood. Nada.”

Rhys stopped swimming in circles and eyed him suspiciously. “But you’re _swimming_.”

“Uh, yes? It’s not- I mean, it’s not exactly _common_ , sure, but…”

“Everyone knows humans can’t swim. And you’re swimming. So,” Rhys concluded triumphantly, “you’re not human.”

“That- that doesn’t even make sense, it’s not-”

Rhys sniffed, affronted. "Excuse _you._ If humans could swim, I'd have met one by now. And I haven't. _So_. What are you?"

Vaughn sighed. Or tried to, anyway. He was finding it difficult to emote properly without accidentally inhaling water- something Rhys didn't seem to have a problem with. "Look... Rhys? What are you doing? I mean, it's not that I don't appreciate you, uh, tailing us or anything, but... why?"

"Um." Rhys said awkwardly. "Hey, wow, is that the time? I have to, um, go. Do... things. Bye!"

He disappeared under the water, visibly blushing.

“ _Man overboard! Man overboard!_ ”

The shout came from the crow’s nest.

Startled, Vaughn twisted around to look at the ship, and swore under his breath. He’d drifted around the side of the boat without realising it, and the lookout on duty had spotted him.

He looked back towards where Rhys had been, but he was gone.

Vaughn sighed and struck out towards the side of the ship, hoping he’d get back onboard before any of his crew decided the best course of action was to throw themselves into the water after him (and immediately start drowning because, like most sailors, none of them had ever bothered to learn to swim).

He’d try to talk to Rhys again the next night - if the merman was still around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spot the robin hobb reference because i am Trash


	4. SEA DEEZ NUTS

Rhys followed the… the _thing_ , whatever it was, as it swam back towards the ship.

With _legs_.

Rhys was _fascinated._  He’d never seen something with legs swim before!

Well, crabs, maybe, and prawns too. And lobsters. 

Ok, so there were a lot of things that swam and had legs. But none of them looked _human!_  This was _so_  weird.

Maybe the sailor _was_  merfolk, and he’d been cursed as a baby, or something. And maybe Rhys could break it for him, and the sailor would be so grateful he’d- he’d…

…Anyway.

Rhys decided to keep tailing the ship until the Mystery of the Swimming Sailor had been properly resolved.

(It wasn’t a particularly hard decision, as he was, by this point, quite out of sight of his current stomping grounds, and therefore hopelessly lost.)

***

After a grueling day of keeping his (still mostly inept) crew alive and his ship running smoothly, all Vaughn really wanted to do was sleep. But, well, time and tide waited for no man, and apparently neither did merman, because Rhys had now progressed to openly staring at him.

Honestly, Vaughn was genuinely shocked that his crew hadn’t picked up on it yet - actually, he was mildly suspicious that they _had,_  in fact, noticed the merman, and were busy hatching a nefarious plan.

They were Handsome Jack’s old crew; they were _good_  at nefarious plans.

Also, they were really, _really_ , creepily into merfolk. In a ‘superstitious worship’ kind of way. Something had sunk the _Helios_ shortly after Jack’s death, and all the surviving crew members were convinced it had been an Act of A Benevolent Force in the shape of a merperson.

Vaughn had his doubts, but then, Vaughn had never been very good at blind worship anyway, which was part of the reason he’d spent the majority of his employ on the _Helios_  embezzling instead of hero-worshiping Jack like he was supposed to.

(You know, until Jack had found out and thrown him overboard.)

Hopefully, the Children of Helios would save whatever plan they were hatching until _after_  Rhys had left. Vaughn liked him, and wanted Rhys to like him back; something that wouldn’t be possible if his really weird crew got involved.

Vaughn slipped into the water again, resolving to keep a closer eye on the ship this time. He wanted more time with Rhys - to figure out what the merman was hanging around for, of course.

Definitely not because Rhys’ smile did _things_  to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im screaminf its been like a fuckin month since i updated  
> i havent abandoned this i promise ive been on a borderlands binge and i keep forgetting this exists


End file.
